Desperate times call for desperate measures. In a strange (but not-much-stranger-than-reality) turn of events, we decided to take a quick detour from our reality and called upon the help of fictional heroes and allies from the multiverse.
Strong, super-skilled, and experienced, these heroes have everything it takes to steer the nation out of chaos toward a brighter, safer future for all. But our heroes share a powerful similarity: not only are they all from the DC Universe, but each one is a woman, and each will run for president in a nation that has never elected a woman.
Here are our DC Universe super-heroine candidates for President of the United States of America.
Wonder Woman
Party: Republican
Key Issues: Immigration, Military & Foreign Policy, Economy, Women’s Empowerment
Platform: The closest thing to a family-first candidate, Wonder Woman represents honor, strength, and tradition – all historically conservative values. Born Princess Diana of Themyscira, Wonder Woman will prioritize the ruling class of America and will fight for commerce deregulation, lower the income and capital gains taxes, and trickle-down economic policy. Raised as an Amazon and experienced as a veteran of World War II, she also advocates for a preeminent U.S. military force as part of her national security platform. And as a citizen of a foreign planet, she’ll sympathize heavily with immigrants who chose America to build their own hero story.
Biggest strengths: Strong. Smart. Capable. It’s hard to imagine a better leader than Wonder Woman. Her presence alone would instill hope and strength into the nation, and her presidency would be a win for women in politics for the rest of time.
Biggest threats: As a blue blood, Wonder Woman will have a hard time courting the trust of the middle class. Moreover, her vocal support of the troops and a robust global military presence won’t sit well with moderate or liberal voters and will work against her immigration policy. Still, we think Wonder Woman will do just fine – after all, who needs Air Force One when you have an invisible jet?
Angela Abar (Sister Night)
Party: Libertarian
Key Issues: Economy, Social Justice, Criminal Justice Reform
Platform: The world hasn’t been kind to Angela Abar. Now, she understands that it’s each to their own. She’s a vigilante who takes matters into her own hands and doesn’t rely on the systems that previously failed her for support. She’s a true libertarian who advocates for a laissez-faire economy but would lead with a social justice bent.
Biggest strengths: Sister Knight may maintain a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” ethos, but she’s also extremely empathetic. After her partner Doyle was killed during the White Knight, she adopted his kids. Her ongoing sacrifice for her husband Jon also shows she’s not the kind of person who would use her powers for evil.
Biggest threats: Angela’s traumatic life has left her with some emotional wounds and mental health issues. Her resilience is also her strength, but her opponents will likely try to exploit this, just as they’ve always done.
Catwoman
Party: Independent
Key Issues: Economy, Women’s Empowerment, Civil Rights
Platform: As a cat burglar, Catwoman is demonstrably interested in wealth distribution. As a president, that would mean instilling a criminally high tax rate on the super-wealthy. Would that wealth actually get distributed to the parties it was intended to help? Who knows… we shouldn’t be surprised if it ended up in an off-shore account somewhere, along with a pile of precious stones and rare jewelry. Catwoman is also notoriously frisky and would advocate for the freedom of friskiness for all. Meow.
Biggest strengths: Catwoman is fierce, intelligent, and ruthless, exactly the type of character who would be a formidable force in a fight for good. Her ability to leverage potent femininity would make her a disruptive presence in any male-dominated office, from the Senate to the Judiciary.
Biggest threats: You don’t know if you can trust Catwoman. She’s as capable as she is cunning, and it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for her to play the presidential role until we trust her, only to flip the switch. Catwoman isn’t just at risk of corruption—she’s an agent and advocate of corruption.
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Black Canary
Party: Democrat
Key Issues: Environment and Sustainability, Economy, Criminal Justice Reform
Platform: Years of galavanting with the Green Arrow has oriented Black Canary’s politics in a liberal direction. She fights hard for the environment, and though she’s associated with the wealthy-born socialite Green Arrow, she sees firsthand the threats of massive wealth accumulation vs building a healthy middle class. She will campaign hard for debt forgiveness, an affordable and sustainable healthcare system, and a fair and ethical criminal justice system.
Biggest strengths: Black Canary might just be the perfect candidate to unite the nation. As a songstress she could gain the support of young voters, and as wielder of the “Canary Cry,” she will be a legendary orator, will easily dominate any debate, and, if wielded properly, will be an unstoppable voice for the voiceless. She grew up on the streets of Gotham, so would represent the lost American dream in her rise to greatness. As a skilled fighter, she would appeal to conservative voters aligned with military strength and rugged individualism. She’s also a trainer of other superheroes, so is used to leading strong personality types, making her an irreplaceable asset to both the executive and legislative branch.
Biggest threats: Black Canary hasn’t yet been the focus of a DC blockbuster film, so she’ll have to win over voters who are unfamiliar with her. However, her reputation within the DC Universe will speak for itself and carry her well into the election season.
Harley Quinn
Party: Independent/Revolution Party
Key Issues: N/A
Platform: Harley Quinn doesn’t have what one would call a platform. Her agenda’s only focus is destroying every established institution, from finance and banking to checks and balances to education.
Biggest strengths: She would be a major win for anti-establishment voters. Her presidency would be precise in its chaos, efficient in destabilization. If the 1% was scared of higher taxes, they would tremble in their dinosaur leather wingtips at the thought of a Harley Quinn presidency.
Biggest threats: Where to begin? She would probably betray whatever running mate helped her get elected, install the Joker as her Veep, only to relinquish the office to the Joker himself, send nukes to every American enemy and ally only to laugh at the confusion and rubble, and as a final opus would create the Department of Chaos, a ragtag team of evil geniuses, ex-cons and chaos agents with the express purpose of sustaining the bedlam campaign. Everything about Harley Quinn is a threat—no one would be safe, and she would be a destructive force for the entire planet. She only made it into the race through a technicality with the paperwork. Please don’t vote for Harley Quinn.
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